"As democracy is perfected, the office represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. We move toward a lofty ideal. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their hearts desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron." -HL Mencken

Recently, you may have been aware, amidst the impending financial apocalypse, of an American election taking place. 

What I'm about to say will hopefully not infringe upon any of your own opinions about the candidates: personally, before things really got started I was a McCain fan, then he turned into Regan 2.0, so it's Barack and Biden for me.

But what is more alarming is the possibility that a VP candidate may get within 10ft of the White House-that candidate is Sarah Palin, Governor of Alaska.

Now, it has come to my attention that this woman isn't fit to run a school cafeteria, never mind potentially be the president of the most important country on Earth.

Why, you ask?

Recently, the proverbial dung hit the fan when CBS' Katie Couric guaranteed herself more awards by interviewing the VP candidate and proving that without the invention of Velcro, Palin would never have her shoes tied to her feet. That's a rubbish analogy-she's really thick. Above is a clip where she declares that she reads "all of 'em [magazines]" (translated: none of them and she's actually a journalism graduate) and that she believes life starts at conception but doesn't believe in the morning after pill. (Tslated: she doesn't know what a morning after is, never mind what the pill is for) She then immediately launches into a fairly bewildering speech on gay rights, noting she "loves" her lesbian friend who, I can safely say, definitely has no interest in the morning after pill. Forget the context, it was a comment to the extent of "Me? Racist? But some of my best friends are black!"

She cited her foreign policy experience as Alaska being quite close to Russia and Canada, then, in this clip, got angry at the press for mocking her.

McCain also cited her experience on her PTA board. What? She's going to have nuclear missile codes in her hands, not the minutes for the PE staff's meeting on buying new skipping ropes. But wait, there's more.

Palin is  convinced that a magical man in the sky determines many parts of her life and certainly takes an interest in all her bad moral decisions in a belief unified under the name "Christianity." Consequently, this led to her attempts, as mayor of her town, to ban public library books and to allude to a belief called Creationism. This is where you believe the world is as old as the bible says it is (10,000 years roughly, of which Methusalah kicked it for 900 odd of them) and results in scenes from history such as this:
Look at happy Jesus, bringing his gospel to the sauropods of the land. Palin, incidentally if you needed any more ammunition, believes Iraq is "God's will" and we are effectively on a holy war. She was also baptised in adult life for protection against witchcraft and describes herself as "six pack American Joe", leading me to believe that McCain was also on the six-packs when he appointed this all-out lunatic hockey mom.

I believe that after this debacle, there should be a minimum array of skills needed to be president:
  • Experience (by which I mean more than organising your children's fun day)
  • Skills in the financial sector (and in light of recent events, bankruptcy law)
  • A belief that if science made your computer, your lighting, your heat, your transport and probably your job, it's probably right about how f**king old the world is.
  • Free of any mental illness (such as belief in magical deities)
  • Must never have played a sport as rubbish as ice hockey (sorry Thomas)
  • Must not be 'one of the people' from 'small town America'
  • Must not be a puppet of white corporate America's attempt to hypnotise and brainwash everyday idiotic voters into thinking these multi-millionaires are actually in any way like everyday idiotic voters.
Look, American readers-it's either charismatic law grad and his experienced foreign policy running mate or Granpa John and his kooky tractor girl schtick. Pick one side this time and hell mend ye' if it's this bandit.

I'm away to dip my head in some cold water and calm down a little.




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