Celebrate Good Times?

For anyone who has seen me play sport, any sport, I apologise. I really am so sorry. My sport playing days(which have notably disappeared since leaving school many moons ago) were a travesty for anyone watching. At every sport, I have exactly the same routine, pattern, style, whatever we'll call it-erratic (i.e. a stunning behind the back pass in basketball is followed a minute later with breaking my own ankles while dribbling), temperamental (a well won penalty by my team's star striker is ruined by my fifty yard sprint to square up to the defender that gave it away) and so lacking in any fitness programme that Diego Maradona at his Brando-esque weight would have questioned my cholesterol levels.

In short, I am not the sporting type.

However, like everyone else, I love to celebrate after, say, a great goal. Or a nice three pointer. Or that red ball going through the arch, if croquet's your bag. 

Sadly, it seems sports authorities take a dim view of this.

Recently, while in the US, my friend Tommy and I, huge sports obsessives us both, took great delight in the trials and tribulations of Chad "Javon OchoCinco" Johnson, the controversial wide receiver for the Cincinnati Bengals American football team.

Chad Johnson is crazy. There is no other way to put it. The man is highly entertaining: soaring leaps into the end zone to pluck a seemingly wild pass out of a defender's hands. He's also entertaining in his offield antics. This season, he changed his name to Chad Javon OchoCinco so his jersey would read "OchoCinco, 85" which needless to say, the NFL was not pleased with.

Chad hadn't pleased them before. It was probably his unauthorised boots with a photo of every touchdown he'd made woven into them. It may have been the synchronised dancing after every catch. It may have been the attempt at Thanksgiving to bring a reindeer out of the sidelines and parade around the stadium with it. Or this, every single week:

Footballers can't jump the sponsor boards to the fans, no finger wagging in basketball, no team celebrations in American football. At this rate, if cricketers so much as say "gee whiz" when they score a point or whatever it is they do, they'll be bringing the game into disrepute.

Point is, where did this no fun committee come from? Does it have anything to do with billionaire owners trying to create the least offensive product therefore drawing in a bigger market? Well, there. You know my opinion now. Basically, bring back the fun to sports: it's all gurning prima donnas on £90k a week, unable to play because of a bruised shin.

To celebrate great, eh, celebrations, here's this video. And look out for the Stuart McColl acrobatics at the end.

"Never spilled a drop."



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